Squelching Editing Myself
There are many drawbacks to being bipolar, but probably the most insidious is that when I'm on the cusp of, or in the midst of, a new manic cycle, I can become extremely irritable.
Petulant. Combustible.
When this happens, anything can set me off, and I have to exercise every fiber of self-restraint in me to keep from tearing people's throats out. I don't mean for this to happen, I honestly don't. I'll lash out at people and fifteen minutes later, like a summer thundershower, it passes and I don't know what I was so upset about. Like today with parking my car.
No Parking, biotch!
Since I moved back to my high school town of Millbrook, NY a year ago, I've been parking across the street in an empty spot behind my parents' building. It was convenient, and in exchange Alexas and I shoveled out the parking area that we shared with my parents and their elderly neighbors. A nice little arrangement.
Today when I returned home from the errands that a working writer/house husband does (speed grocery shopping, banking and office supply purchasing), I went to park my car and discovered another one in it. We've all had this experience. I hate fighting with people over knucklehead things like this, but I chose to confront the wrongdoers. I found out the vehicle belonged to a woman who works in a day salon across the street and went to their office and politely asked that the car be moved.
The woman said, as women have been wont to say to me from time to time, "Don't yell at me." I wanted to say, "Bitch, please...if I was yelling, honey—you'd know it." But Alexas has pointed out to me over the years that such behavior on my part is alienating and divisive, so I've worked hard at not doing that. Instead I just said (in an admittedly sharper tone), "Move the car."
The upshot was that the owner of the business, a usually pleasant enough woman, ran out and confronted me, stating that she had a commercial lease that entitled her to that spot behind the building. I replied that I found this interesting, given that I'd been parking there for over a year and during all of the blizzards last winter, I didn't see her once out there asserting her right to that spot by shoveling the parking area.
The bottom line here is, as soon as I cooled down below my melting point, I realized that she was right and immediately wrote an apology letter. But the first draft of the letter was only 10% apology and 90% "Take that, biotch!" I emailed the draft to Alexas for her thoughts, and as she pointed out with her always level head, the first draft would leave both of us feeling bad, and wasn't the idea to settle this amicably? Here's the 1st draft of the letter:
Dear Darlene,I want to apologize for my confronting you about the parking behind the building. Now that I’ve had a chance to think about what you mentioned regarding your lease, I realize that you have rights to that spot.
My only wish is that you had said something a year ago, when my wife and I were out there, storm after storm, shoveling out that entire parking area (including your own spot closest to the back door). I find it interesting that when it was inconvenient (i.e., covered in a foot of snow), you didn’t make an issue about our parking there. But now that the weather is fine, well….
Now that we know you have rights to that spot, we will no longer be parking there. However, we won’t be shoveling any of it either. With the right comes the responsibility. Enjoy it.
Sincerely,
Chris Orcutt
Now the edited version:
Dear Darlene,I want to apologize for my confronting you about the parking behind the building. Now that I’ve had a chance to think about what you mentioned regarding your lease, I realize that you have rights to that spot.
My only wish is that you had said something a year ago, when my wife and I were out there, storm after storm, shoveling out that entire parking area
(including your own spot closest to the back door). I find it interesting that when it was inconvenient (i.e., covered in a foot of snow), you didn’t make an issue about our parking there. But now that the weather is fine, well….Now that we know you have rights to that spot, we will no longer be parking there. However, we won’t be shoveling any of it either.
With the right comes the responsibility. Enjoy it.Sincerely,
Chris Orcutt
Whereas the first draft was the equivalent of taking a pup and pressing its face into its "accident" on the rug, the second draft was considerably toned-down. Which leads me to my point for this piece—the importance of always writing in drafts. It is very difficult to get it right the first time, and any piece of writing, even a lowly apology-complaint letter, benefits from a second pass.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go slash that bitch's tires order a fruit basket for my lovely neighbor.